Wednesday, November 28, 2007

PARENT - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!! POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass youPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.WAGES AND COMPENSATION :Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.BENEFITS :While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right. Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciatedfor the fabulous job they do...or forward with loveto anyone thinking of applying for the job.


** AND A FOOTNOTE "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER

Monday, November 26, 2007

Parenting adolescent children especially adolescents who have serious medical issues

Excerpt from presentation to Parent's Group at Hole in the Wall Gang Camp Nov.2007

Parenting adolescent children especially adolescents who have serious medical issues

All of the efforts of teachers, parents and friends are directed towards helping adolescents build self-esteem. What is self-esteem?

While it is impossible to describe exactly what makes any person feel a strong sense of self. Three notions come to mind: confidence, competence and connectedness. If adolescents feel that they are competent in some of the areas of their life, then that leads to a confidence in who they are which, is then reinforced by the community and the connectedness which they feel towards other people.

Here are some tips for parenting adolescents.

Ten Cardinal Rules of Parenting Adolescents

1. Keep yourself healthy, mentally and physically. If you do not stay mentally and physically healthy, you are going to be of no good to your adolescents. Remember, you are modeling behavior.

2. Make sure that the illness is integrated into your family's life, not vice versa. When illness strikes, make sure that you keep the tempo of your life and your family's life going as strongly and surely as possible. Do not let the illness stop you from living your life and your child from living his/hers . People in your support group can drive and they can cook. That is the best way to support you.

3. Give your children unconditional love. Children who have the "good housekeeping seal of approval" from their parents are able to thrive and feel strong no matter what they do.

4. Keep your children in their stretch zone. If you think of life as having safe zones, stretch zones, and danger zones, always make sure that your adolescent is never in the danger zone and never happy with being in the safe zone. The stretch zone is a place where everyone experiments and works to make himself or herself better, sometimes experiments work and sometimes they do not. Life is about learning from those experiments.

5. Make them own it. Whatever it is they are doing is theirs not yours. The minute you feel something is more important to you that it is your adolescent, you own it and they will not feel as strong a sense of participation and ownership. Let them flex their wings and try various different options even if you do not think they make a lot of sense.

6. Take a risk. That is what your kids are doing everyday of their lives. Do not be afraid of letting them fail. One gains strength and confidence once they realize that if you fail all you have to do is get back up again. Note to the file:Try not to repeat the same mistake again!

7. Invest in your adolescent but let them run the company. Make it clear to them through your love and through your support that they are in charge of their life and you are supporting them in every way you can.

8. Incentives work. If you clearly identify what constitutes success or what the goal is adolescents will very likely achieve that goal. If you set no goals, they will probably not achieve them.

9. Be the perfect parent as soon as you can.The perfect parent is some combination of Mother

Teresa and an Army sergeant. How many of those people have you found? There are no perfect parents you are just doing their best they can in every situation. Note to file: Give yourself a break.

10. Manage everyone's expectations. Realistically assess what the capabilities of your adolescents are and what goals they should be setting. Manage their expectations of themselves and others as well. And, don’t forget to manage your expectations as well! The dialogue around expectations creates lifelong learning about dealing with the realities of life.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Judy and Stocky's trip to visit Shoshana and Noah in Afghanistan

Turquoise Mountain Foundation

Preserving Heritage, Creating Opportunities, Improving Lives

Amidst the destruction and chaos of a country war torn for 25 years, how can the people regenerate their lives, their families, their society and light the fire of Hope? Against continuous civil strife brought on by the Taliban’s forceful movement backwards requiring woman to wear Burkas and keeping children from school, how can society move forward? The UN forces are helping to rebuild the physical infrastructure so that there will be roads and bridges and schools.

The Turquoise Mountain Foundation is, like many other Non Governmental Organization in Afghanistan, trying to assist in reinvigorating the people. They are doing it through an integrated approach of:

Ø Rehabbing an historic downtown bazarre, Murad Khane, much like was done in Baltimore, Washington, Boston, New York and scores of other cities in the US, which had fallen into decay.

Ø Creating a center for traditional Afghan crafts (pottery, woodworking, calligraphy, etc.) to both teach and pass along the secrets of superior workmanship while also developing business outlets for their products.

Ø Rejuvenating a famous craft economy in one village, Istalif, which has been famous for pottery for over 400 years.

Through Rory Stewart’s unflinching belief in people and his respect for who they are and the rich traditions they maintain, Prince Charles, the Gov’ts of Canada, the United States and the United Kingdom, and various individuals have backed this 2 year old effort to promote cultural and economic development in Afghanistan.

With a core group of dedicated staff and many eager laborers, they have made incredibly rapid progress. First, they have rehabbed their headquarters, the historic yet dilapidated Fort of Nine Towers, into living and working quarters for staff. Now, they are about to complete the construction of workshops for the education and training of students under the tutelage of some of the most famous, and last surviving, artisans in Afghanistan.

By bringing in creative architects and teaming them with local architects, they are able to utilize new innovations and adapt them to the traditional mud brick and wood architecture. Thus, they are able to build in more energy efficient designs for insulating and heating while using only materials easily available to Afghans. So, instead of using Tyvex they create a vapor barrier using sheep’s wool, instead of installing a Jotel woodstove, they build a brick fireplace which draws air from a small hole in the outside wall and has a venting plan which has air flowing through the floor before it goes into the rest of the room. The cold, cold winters of Kabul may be a delight for the people in that woodworking shop. Similarly, the potters will enjoy that heating design coupled with passive solar. While all these buildings are only meant to be temporary until they all can move down into a beautifully rehabbed historic building in Murad Khane, they nevertheless will be a great demonstration for visitors to see and take pride in the rebirth and celebration of the crafts and architecture of Afghanistan.

Upon first seeing all the construction activity at the Fort and then touring the rehab of the buildings in Murad Khane, we could only be overwhelmed by the pace of activity. Over the course of our 5 days, I think we saw the magic of what is going on…. Everything is just plain moving fast. We saw workers digging new sewage paths, building stone walls, laying bricks, replicating historic woodwork, shoring up buckling walls, building chicken coops with a Nubian Arch of only mud and mud brick. They had spirit. They know this is for them, for their country, for their future. What a fresh contrast to the overwhelmingness of modern machinery and unfamiliar building styles which Western style urban renewal brings.

The most complete project so far is the demonstration in Istalif, managed by Noah, engineered by “Engineer” and embraced by all the young potters who have been working at the Fort in a makeshift pottery studio. The Visitor’s Center dedication attracted all of the local powerful people as well as 65 of the master potters in the area. It may be a trick to get the tourists to climb the steps and learn more about the history and tradition of pottery. Once they can get people there, they will appreciate the history, but also see the very tangible things which TMF has done to assist in improving quality, inc. access to better quality clay, lead-free glazes, gas kilns and a sharing of quality pottery skills. The end goal is better quality pots, more outlets for their goods and rejuvenating the craft tradition in Islatif.

I only hope we can go back in a year and sip tea in the Peacock House at Murad Khane after having toured the new pottery center and bought some beautiful turquoise colored pots in their store.

Marvelous effort by all. I hope this goes on for a long time and that the Afghans take over TMF for themselves!

Judy has a much more documented diary of our wonderful visit.

Here are some emails which composed also

On Oct 30, 2007, at 11:13 AM, Stocky Clark wrote:



Hi all. Here is another edition. Judy and I just arrived in Dubai which may become the center of the universe if this oil rich tycoon succeeds. He is really an Arab Donald Trump with the same vision and ego as Trump, but all the money in the world. We are told that 13% of the world's building cranes are in Dubai, building 24/7 tens of thousands of commercial and residential units all at the same time albeit on the backs of immigrant labor. It is impossible to exaggerate the extent of construction. We went on a city-wide tour at the beginning of our trip, passing by the world's only 7 star hotel (which is full all the time), many skyscrapers in construction dwarfed by the one which will be twice as tall as the world's tallest building, passing by hard hat areas behind which are not only all the new buildings, but also the construction of a Metro which will deal with the massive numbers of people who will be coming. They dug out an entire channel into the harbor and used the sand to create the first set of "Palm Islands" with each "palm leaf" containing hundreds of multi-story buildings each having their own beach. Another set of Palm Islands will come to you shortly regardless of whether the first phase is sold out or not. We are told that units double in value each year. Not since the Great Wall..........You get the picture. Judy and I found it all incredibly interesting. The other side of the story is that there is no potable water here, so it all has to be tanked in from distant places, Toyota seems to be the car of choice ( Camry, Brooks!), all currencies work, no taxes, everyone speaks English, especially the huge number of Indian men who drive cabs and provide lots of other services and only return home to family a couple of times a year, maybe.

Frankly, this total sensory overload in Dubai has been hardly worth the mention in relation to the profound and moving visit we had with Noah and Shoshana in Kabul and Istalif. As I mentioned below, they are sharing their lives with a very interesting group of dedicated folks trying to assist the Afghans to morph from the devastation wreaked over the last 20 years to a life with some of the predictability, hope, money, food, clothing, and lodging which most of us take for granted. It is difficult to imagine how these people can continue on with their lives when there is no way of knowing what is next. I guess that seeing these people buying our Salvation Army clothing, living in all kinds of makeshift housing, buying whatever is available in the bazaar makes me feel even more respect for how they conduct their lives. Remember bumper cars at the local fair? Well, that is exactly what driving is like in Kabul all the time. No rules, whatsoever. Near accidents happen every 3.2 seconds and the drivers don't seem to be phased. Dust- The absence of trees and shrubs makes Kabul a continual dust bowl. Dubai isn't much different. I suppose it is better than LA smog.

Far more interesting was our trip yesterday to a village, Istalif, up in the mountains and famous as a weekend getaway for tourists and for people to get away. As we began climbing the road, we saw increasing amounts of vegetation and crops (grapes). Finally, at Islatif, we saw huge London Plane trees and Judas bushes especially at a religious shrine at the top of the mountain. Istalif has been the center for pottery in Afghanistan for over 300 years with scores of families passing the trade along to, at least, the eldest son, leaving other support functions to the other sons and daughters. The only street has many storefronts of jewelers and leather goods, but pottery is predominant. Unfortunately, when the Taliban took over the village, they burned all eh house and thus disrupted the lives of all the families, some of whom fled and some stayed. Noah came to study the interactions of the tradesmen in the bazaar, but found disarray caused by the destruction of the kilns and workshops of the potters. What he has done thru the Turquoise Mt Foundation is wonderful. Under his leadership, they have developed a beautiful Welcome Center to showcase and celebrate the tradition of pottery in Istalif, to bring people back, the assist the potters in improving the quality of their clay and glazes and firings and otherwise restore things to their prewar status. Noah organized a wonderful celebration of the opening with a small meal for 110 of the key potters, political figures and elders. We all were treated to sheep and rice sitting on pillows with beautiful carpets covering the entire area. A great speech by Rory, then the police chief, then Noah (in Dari) made us all feel like something special just happened. What a day! More later. See you all soon. Best

Stocky Clark 


From: TuckerC@aol.com [mailto:TuckerC@aol.com]
Sent: Son 28/10/2007 18:17
To: Stocky Clark; kathy@treesforhouston.org; nbclark@tva.gov; Ftc21217@aol.com; rocky_c@verizon.net; jclark13@gmail.com; seanstocktonclark@gmail.com; shoshan.coburn@gmail.com; designplans@mac.com; nw@nicholaswolfson.com; jpcoyne@cnr.edu; LINDAUHC@aol.com; Spring816@aol.com; Gun1mo@aol.com; jeff.kaley@gmail.com; ttumelaire@comcast.net; Jldinsm@aol.com; annalise_clark@yahoo.com
Cc: clord@velaw.com; LmFeagin@aol.com; fclord@yahoo.com; ohslordy@yahoo.com; TLord713@aol.com; Tomflord@aol.com; Anne.Christos@Rodale.com; HMurphy@toddao.com; Steve Nagler
Subject: Bro' Stocky's account of first days in Kabul- (redone from KATHARINE LORD email)

In a message dated 10/27/2007 11:04:59 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, sclark@holeinthewallcamps.org writes:

Judy and I are delightfully ensconced with the remarkable life which \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\Shoshana and Noah are sharing in Kabul. Friday, having toured the prototype classes and workshops which their Turquoise Mountain Foundation has established within the walls of their very secure "fort/headquarters", we were ready to go into downtown/Old City Kabul to witness their efforts to orchestrate the rebirth of Murah Khane, the historic business district which has been left to neglect and abandon over the 20 years of war. Fighting off the forces of Kabul-style urban renewal ( raze and rebuild), the visionary CEO , Rory Stewart, through Shoshana's understated brilliance at marshalling and supervising 100's of architects, engineers and laborers, is hell-bent on saving and restoring all of the truly historic mud/wood buildings to their former grandeur housing businesses of the bazarre ( think agora or flea market|) along with schools teaching all of the traditional trades ( rug making, woodworking, calligraphy and pottery) and showcasing their work for sale. "Engineer", a thoroughly engaging and committed Afghan, showed us every building which they have or are in process of saving, demonstrating the commitment to recreating and/or preserving all of the intricately detailed woodwork and mud moldings. During the 2 hour tour, his pride, attention to detail and encouragement to woodcarvers and mud makers alike kept me from the temptation to ask why they didn't just tear everything down and bring in the cranes and cement. After all, lots of developers would love to use that centrally located site for their next development, as Kabul "rises from the ashes" and restores some kind of sense of normalcy and hope for the future. What is especially impactful on an outsider looking in is that Rory, Shoshana and this group of 10-15 Westerners (architects and well meaning volunteers) are dedicated to meeting the Afghans where they are and assisting them in moving forward to their next level, rather than using the tools of globalization (which only intimidate and overwhelm) to make them advance from their deeply religious, traditional society to some kind of Xerox of our Western industrialized society. It is worth reading Rory's books or frequent interviews and op-ed pieces to better understand the intricacies (and his personal commitment) to weaving the best practices from advanced industrialized nations into the fabric of a downtrodden but extremely proud people, steeped in their mores, patterns of interacting and methods of producing. If only the people in the Embassies were allowed outside their barbwire walls to absorb the building and regeneration of Murah Khane, they would be able to make more realistic decisions about how to assist in the recovery. (Noah is quick to point out that the US is doing a great deal to help rebuild the infrastructure of schools, road and bridges in spite of the ill-advised policies in other areas). For those of you who have read "Lexus and the Olive Branch" , this is more like Toyota and the Locust Tree... the incredibly torn up roads are filled with Toyotas which would make our fleet of used cars look like Rolls Royces and the barren landscape spews up tons of dust covering the lone Locust Tree left in Murah Khane. Hope is what everyone has and they just keep moving forward! What a wonderfully respectful and important job TMF is doing here.

Tomorrow, we go out to Noah's project in Istalif, a small town one hour away, where he is trying to assist the people in rebuilding their once famous pottery guild and ultimately provide a means of income and restore life as they knew within their traditional societal context. We will look forward to his PhD thesis which, I think, will explore the patterns of interaction in the marketplace and the impact of tradition, outside influences and the forces of the marketplace.

This went on longer than I thought, but I have not put down reflections and ideas anywhere else, so please send this along to people who might be interested and perhaps Rocky and Mary can read it to Mom. Tuc, can you send it to Aunt Lucy. I don't have other emails on this internet hookup.

Miss you all. Sean, I hope the winds are up! Love

Stocky Clark